All I Want for Christmas is a Little Peace (and Quiet)

Hello Internet People,

I'm about ready to lose my mind. Actually, most of it has been lost for quite a while, but what little is left is about to be lost, if you know what I mean.

You don't know what I mean???

How about I paint a picture for you???

My house--done. Party supplies and party plans for preschool and first grade party--purchased and done. Cookie ingredients--purchased and in a bin with recipes ready for next week. Cards--3/4 done. Santa has directions to my parent's house and will be there X-mas Eve. I have about 2 hours worth of mall shopping. But that's ok....

So, what's wrong with this picture???? Why am I going to lose it any moment now????

One word--Quinn.

I don't know if his preschool is feeding him crack or what, but the past two months have been nothing but crazy with him, and God knows, I can't do much more crazy. He runs around like he's been wound up too tight. In circles. Like a crazy man. From the moment he wakes, until his head hits the pillow, he goes and goes and goes. He gets into things he knows full-well he shouldn't, he destroys his room and anywhere he goes, leaving a path of toy pieces and broken stuff in his path. He's four and a half--not 2.

God help me, but when he leaves in the morning, I'm almost relieved. I know I should be shot for even saying that, but it is the truth.

The hardest thing: his preschool teacher. I really like her. She is a great teacher. But she is of no help to me when it comes to seeing if this is just a phase or if I should seek help for him. Because she sees nothing. He's just fine according to her. She said the same thing about Nate. And I believed her. Sortve. I mean, I knew they wanted him out of special education, and I had concerns about his age going into kindergarten, but she swore he was great and he'd be just fine.

She was wrong. Nate has aspergers and ADHD. I spent hours on the phone with his teacher, his classroom aide, his principal, the cafeteria ladies..... Finally a diagnosis, as plain as the nose on my face, but his preschool teacher. saw. nothing.

Believe me, I've done this before--twice now. I know full well the administrative side could care less and puts pressure on the teachers to turn a blind eye to problems. I know. I just keep on hoping that this time things will be better. That somehow, these people who have gotten the education and dedicated their lives to teaching will suddenly give a shit. I even know that this will not happen.

I am not sure I even have enough fight left in me anymore. You know what the scary part is??? Really. A doctor could diagnose any of my kids with anything and I'd still love them and be ok. The thing that is going to drive me over the edge is dealing with the school system.

Autism???? Been there. Done that. Same with ADD, ADHD, aspergers, mild mental handicap.....Bring. it. on. Will I be sad??? Yep. Will I be mad???? Disappointed??? Will I scream why my son and cry????? You betcha. But I'll get over it, because I love my kids and want what is best for them.

The. one. thing. I. cannot. handle.........Case conferences, IEPs and all the special education crap for another. thirteen. years. I literally want to throw up just thinking about it. There are few things in life I hate.....racism, discrimination, hate itself. I try to find the good in people. Really. I don't really hate anyone except Hitler and the administration of our special education cooperative. I'm not even comparing the two, because that would be an insult to Hitler.

Yep, I hate them that much.

In reality, I will grow a couple and live to fight another day, but it is just sad that I should have to fight. Educating children with special needs helps everyone in the long run. Spending a little more now saves a lot more later.

My kids and yours deserve educators who are truthful and care about doing their job.