Monday, July 28, 2008

Everything Started Out OK, and Then.....

I went shopping Friday evening--just as I do every Friday evening. ALONE. That's the best part. I don't have anyone throwing a fit because I'm not buying toys, or CDs or whatever.

Last year, I made a master list of everything we use or could ever need. I run one off once a week and circle what we need. Then I go to my trusty coupons and pull out the ones we will use and put them in the front of my organizer. Now before you think I'm completely anal, I am, but that doesn't mean I'm completely rigid. I do go off the list from time to time. I just want to make sure I'm not forgetting anything.

I went grocery shopping, to Target for underwear and shampoo and then to Costco--oh how I love the Costco. Sigh!!!! Almost as much as I love Target, but that's another post.

After a good 3 hours of retail therapy, I came home to find Paul looking rather sad. I figured he was tired and the boys were all over him. So when I asked him how the boys were and if anything was wrong he said, "Nah, nothing's wrong, but your Auntie Jean called. Larissa wants to see you."

At that point, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I called my Aunt, thinking Paul must have heard her wrong or something. But he was right. Larissa wanted to see me.

People tell me how much they hate hospitals all the time. Duh!!!! I have yet to meet anyone who actually LIKES hospitals. Maybe doctors and nurses, but to sit around visiting someone sick--no love lost there. I done it way too much. My grandmother had heart problems, then Paul's parents both had cancer and other health problems, then my Uncle Don, my mom....way too much time spent in the hospital. But I'm really good at putting on my happy face and getting a special get well gift and sitting there. My reputation precedes me--lonely and want someone to sit with you when you are sick??? I'm your girl.

I do it because I love my family. When I had my boys, I had visitors (not my mom) and I was glad to have them. As I have said before, I am not a big fan of hospitals and having visitors took my mind off of being there.

Larissa wanting to see me shocked me. Donnie and she are private people and I thought she'd want just her son, grandson, husband and my aunt around her. But she was looking for me.

I remember meeting her when I was around 5 years old. She was really cool (and 16 years old). She was nice to me and didn't treat me like a baby. I've always liked her. She's loud and funny and she makes me laugh.

My Auntie Jean warned me she might or might not know me, or even remember I was there. I told her I understood and I was prepared. My MIL and Uncle Don both died from brain tumors. There isn't much I haven't seen.

She was asleep when I went in. My cousin Donnie (her husband) was there and we talked a lot. When she finally did wake up, she was really groggy and told Don, "God, that looks just like cousin Sheri." "It is me, you crazy woman!!" I said. We both laughed. I was there over 4 hours. She is lucid at times and at other times, has no idea what is happening to her.

She was still able to eat on Saturday and asked her if she wanted me to get her some pierogi from Pierogi Fest. She giggled and said yes. And I told her I'd be back.

I went back yesterday, pierogi in hand, only to find she can't eat solids anymore. She is still lucid about 30% of the time, but is going downhill quickly. She might get to go home today. There is nothing more the hospital can do for her. Treatments would just make her sicker and the tumors will not shrink anymore.

She is going to die soon. And the only thing I can do is bring her mashed up pierogi.